With all that talk about changing my colours I started thinking about myself for a change. I was trying to sew some pants because I really need some and although I did everything right, they ended up too small. I changed all seam allowances to 0,5m instead of 1,5 cm and I managed to get them on and even close them, but they still looked too small.
I don’t really mind that the pants failed (it was only a muslin) but I did mind what I had been fearing for a long time. I had to face reality and admit I had gained more than just a few pounds.
While most of the time I feel alright about myself, I never feel good. Even when I make my own clothes that fit properly, I never feel truly good in them. And it’s got everything to do with the fact that I don’t feel good about myself anymore. The thing with gaining weight is that it kind of sneaks up on you. In my head I still was the thin girl I was 5 years ago, but I finally have to admit that that is not me anymore.
Although I don’t want to go back to being super skinny, I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror in my undergarments and say: ‘Stephanie, you’re looking good today!’
So starting tomorrow I’m going on a diet, I’ve got the support of my friends and (most importantly) my boyfriend and the goal is to fit back into the clothes I wore 5 years ago by the end of summer.
You’re all wondering what this has to do with sewing. Well, not much, but sometimes you just want to tell someone and telling ‘the internet’ is less confrontational than telling people you meet everyday. Plus, the sewing community is much more supportive and understanding.
So starting tomorrow I’m working on a new me, as well as new colours.
Love you all!
(PS I’m not judging anyone on their weight, I think that everyone should decide for themselves whether they feel good about it or not. People much ’rounder’ than I feel perfectly fine. But I don’t, that’s why I’m doing something about it instead of being unhappy.)